iFeelFragile
by ItWasByMe97
Summary: /Sometimes, falling in love doesn't mean that somebody is always willing to catch you/ One-sided Seddie, and eventually Seddie... "Right now I feel weak, broken, vulnerable and shattered."
1. I admit

This is one of those days like any other days where I would go to my best friend's house to rehearse for our show, but I'm feeling that this would end up differently than the normal days.

I would see my two best friends stealing glances at each other and when they look away they smile. She would go to him and hit him oh-so-playfully. I would just smile at them nowadays pushing my feelings away for the dork that can be called as our technical producer.

Yes, I admit that I had already fallen for that dork that lives right across the hall where my best friend lives. I had fallen for a person who is madly-in-love with my one and only best friend. I also admit that I did get jealous when they got together and I was just lucky I got inside his head to break-up with her.

And now you can see me very miserable seeing them getting closer and closer everyday and whenever she would flirt (if that is an appropriate term to use for my best friend) with him, I would fake a smile to assure them I am feeling fine. If I'm just an actress now, I could win all nominations as best actress in every award show out there, because they can never figure out that I fell for the dork very deeply and he still hasn't caught me.

I give him all the attention he wanted from my best friend and yet he still longs for her full attention. Other boys out there would fight just to get my full attention when in reality he had my full attention since after two weeks I have met him.

When I gave her his number, they started texting each other even if they're both in school. It was a big mistake to give her his number; I really regret what I did. She then started to rub it in my face that he would reply to her every text and when I text him he would only reply four times or less depending on the situation.

After I gave her his number she texted him asking if he misses her, DUH! He absolutely misses her, and he only replied with a 'kiss (mwah)' which deeply punctured my heart.

At school is when the news about their texting spree spread. I was smiling like an idiot when I heard it just to hide the feeling that I'm broken and shattered. It seems that I really didn't care but one of my other friends would approach me and ask me if I'm fine, I would just reply saying that 'why wouldn't I be happy, she is my friend anyway' and kept smiling saying that phrase over and over again to her and my other friends.

Then when I was alone, one of my closest friends that she doesn't know about comforted me where I poured everything I was keeping from them. From my sorrow to my misery, I told her everything I was feeling. She told me she understands but in reality no one would ever understand what I'm feeling.

After we finished the show for today, they were like those teenage couples in the movies which got me sick. When the other one was looking somewhere else or doing something the other one would stare intently and vice versa.

I went home early from the show which was new to them because I rarely went home. I would do it everyday, I'll go to her house eat their meat and leave as fast as I could just to go home and lock myself in my room and cry until I fall asleep.

Maybe next year we wouldn't be classmates but I would get lonely without him because when I'm with no one I would just talk to him about anything he says. He would transfer or maybe I would, but nothing would ever change that he was the first boy I deeply fell for.

Right now I feel weak, broken, vulnerable and shattered.

Yes, I Sam is weak, broken, vulnerable and shattered just because of the boy living next door from my best friend.

**Authors Note: **

**The story is about what happened about my week so far. Hope you enjoyed it.**

**For the Creddie shippers who are reading this, don't worry I'm still a hundred percent Creddie, I just wrote this to release what I'm feeling because I have no friend to listen to me.**

**Do you have any advice for me?**

**R&R…**


	2. Can this be?

It has been seven days since I have not talked to that nerdy tech-boy.

I miss our laughs and smiles and everything we have done together before my best friend came to his life. I have nothing against my best friend, I promise.

* * *

I told everyone except for him that I will not be talking to him for days maybe even months, but when I told him that I wouldn't talk to him, he was completely okay with it. He just replied saying, "Okay," with some kind of reassuring smile.

Seven days have passed, like what I have said a while ago. And I have only talked to him for like 5 times and it was just some kind of command like, "Fix the chairs" or something else. Sometimes, I also talk to him but secretly, it just breaks my heart when he says, "We're not supposed to talk to each other, right?"

* * *

My best friend even wanted to change our seating arrangement, where I would be seating next to him. I think she knows that I fell for him, but she also knows I'm not allowed to talk to him since some of the girls in our school have been calling me a flirt and such. I'm just friendly and I am not a flirt! Why can't people just accept that fact? Okay back to the seating arrangement. It was our social studies class and the teacher was standing in front of us, so we could not talk to each other and even when he wanted to talk to me, I just listened to the teacher in front of us.

Even the girl who was seating behind me told him to talk to me so I would talk to him, he was like, "Hi Sam," but I would just turn my head around and hide the hurt that can be clearly seen in my eyes.

* * *

And then, I couldn't take it anymore! I can't stand not talking to him! He was the only one who could make me laugh in situations when everyone is mad at me for no reason. The girl from behind me also encouraged me saying that I was a strong girl and why was I caring for what other people said about me. That was the only encouragement I needed to talk to that nerd I like so much.

After eight straight days, I talked to him and probably everything is now back to normal, except for one thing… now a lot of girls are now thinking that I am a flirt! Why? Are they jealous because I have a lot of guy friends? Or are they jealous most of the boys ignore them? Urgh! Either way, I'm equally pissed.

* * *

It was our robotics class and he was in my group. We were both group 3 and my best friend was in group 1. We were building an original robot and we were kind of stumped, we can't think of anything to make. When we had decided on what to build, I was the most active in putting parts, aside from Wendy of course. My hands were shaking but he politely asked me to give him the piece so he could put it in the robot properly. (sign?)

* * *

Another event was when we had a party in Tasha's house, everyone was invited and all of my friends including him went. What do you expect in parties? TRUTH OR DARE!

Boys started the truth or dare game and they didn't want girls to join but us girls were having a conversation near the boys. Once I heard his name, the bottle pointed at him and they all dared him to do something that included me. It was something like, "Hug Sam," or "Kiss Sam," but they came to the decision to just dare him to put his arm around me. He didn't want to do it but when Reggie partially dragged him, he was even smiling and when he stood up near me, he gently placed his arm around my shoulders. And throughout the entire party, I have caught him looking at me all the times. (another sign?)

* * *

Okay, so now I really don't know if those meant something, he has not been exposing feelings for my best friend anymore but I don't want to get my hopes up that he likes me and such. Other friends are saying that he does like me; one friend even said that she would write down a list of things why he likes me and signs that he actually likes me.

Probably he does like me, but I'm not that sure, whether he is or not… we'll still remain friends, if I can bear the pain.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

** Since I have received two reviews that said they did not like the story, I decided to make this a multi-chapter fic and probably end this with Seddie. I have nothing against Seddie, I promise. Chapter one was about my week and not because I don't like Seddie.**

** Anyways, the things I have written really happened and I'll just ask you guys if you think that the person I'm pertaining to likes me? (no need to answer anyway)**

** Also, next chapter would be Freddie's POV… we are about to find out whether those signs really mean anything...**

**Forgetting everything I babbled, I still thank those who have reviewed this story. I also promise that I will update very soon since it is our mid year break…**

** Have a good and blessed Day/Night… =)**


	3. What is seen can't be unseen

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or the song Do You Know? by Enrique Iglesias.**

I can't take it anymore! Why would they say that! I'm not that kind of girl!

This feeling started right after the party. Somehow, people noticed that the dorky tech-boy from iCarly kept looking at me almost throughout the party.

Valerie noticed, Rebecca noticed, Wendy noticed, Katie noticed, and even Gibby noticed that he kept looking at me. They kept bugging me to spill, especially Wendy and Katie but there is absolutely nothing to spill because he was still truly and madly in love with my best friend.

I don't know what to say after they asked me to spill, I wanted to say "what's there to spill if he clearly doesn't like me?" but I replied saying, "I don't know what you're talking about." They both look unimpressed, especially Wendy. After I told them that I don't know what they were talking about, Wendy still kept looking at him and me, back and forth.

* * *

The next day, I was sitting at the far back; I could see my best friends being all mushy and stuff. I couldn't take the sight in front of me anymore. Carly and Freddie were being all googley-eyes at each other. They keep stealing glances just like everyday at the Shay apartment and it was so cliché to be doing those kind of things, don't you think so? She kept reaching for his hand until she finally got it. I think she wrote her name on his palm with her stylish penmanship, the only penmanship she uses when she is attracted to someone. And then he also grabbed her hand and wrote his name on her palm in a stylish manner as well.

We were about to go home when I saw that his name was still written on her palm. I pointed at it and she hid it somehow.

"What are you talking about?" She asked me.

"That," I said, pointing to her left hand. "His name, written on your hand," I continued as I grabbed her wrists to pull it up.

"Oh, this," She said and then she giggled. "We got bored so we agreed to write on each other's hand," she said, in a shaky tone.

"Okay," I said. I think she noticed my response and then she stopped me from walking.

"Are you jealous?" she asked me.

"Me? Jealous? Impossible! Are you sick or something?" I asked as I placed the back of my hand on her forehead.

"Come on, I know you are. Just tell me and I'll back-off," she said. I gasped; she wouldn't go away from him, even if it was the law.

"No, Don't," was all I can say before I walked away. I was headed to our lockers to get my things but Fredlumps bumped into me.

"Why don't you look at where you're going?" I said. I knew it was Fredalupe but I needed to make no sign of this 'crush'.

"Why don't you?" he spat back. I was taken back, he was mad.

"Just go to your locker, you're breathing my air," I said, in the same tone. He shrugged and walked to his locker.

_'I just can't tell him, he hates my guts, and he thinks I hate his. I don't know if he'll even reciprocate my feelings, why does it have to be him?' _I thought. I opened my locker with much force, he looked at me but I didn't care. I had to get over him somehow.

* * *

I avoided him for days; I didn't even tease him after every web show. I'll just go down and eat, then shout that I'm leaving before banging the door shut.

* * *

It was a Saturday, we needed to practice (my volleyball team) and we were playing in the gym. I was with most of my volleyball teammates. We were all playing nicely until I saw him going through the door, I was then at a trance. Not because I was staring at him, but because I was confused on how to interact with him.

He was with his basketball teammates. Only four of us were playing before him and his teammates arrived, the gym was small so they joined our little game. They were five, so we looked for three more players. We were divided into two groups, with six members each. We were grouped in the same team, and I didn't mind it at first.

I was glad when no one reacted; Wendy suddenly kept whistling at us because we were going after the same ball and almost hit each other.

When most of us got tired, we all sat down on the bleachers and they removed the volleyball net so they can play basketball. He removed his wristwatch, his bracelet and he removed his phone from his pocket. He placed his cell phone, watch, and bracelet on top of my bag. I didn't remove it, but Gibby noticed it and removed his things on top of my bag and placed it on a jacket near my bag.

After a while, everyone went to get lunch and Gibby took their phones (Gibby and Freddie) and he handed it to Wendy.

I saw Wendy looking around Freddie's phone.

"I can't believe he lent it to you," I told her.

"No, Gibby just handed it to me," Wendy told me.

"I see," I paused for a while, thinking on what I should do with the moment. "Give momma his phone, now," I said, grabbing his cell phone from Wendy's hands.

I looked through everywhere. I looked through his inbox and saw no messages were from her. I looked through his outbox, and saw that he hasn't sent her any messages. But what shocked me was when I looked through his photos.

At first, it was all pictures of him and his mom, then his cousins. I went through it more and saw about seven pictures of her! He saved it in his phone. It wasn't even taken from his phone; it was pictures she uploaded on SplashFace.

"Wendy, you gotta see this," I told her, shaking her left shoulder so she'll look at the phone.

Wendy didn't say anything; I just saw her eyes almost popping out of her head as she gasped sharply.

After Wendy saw it, I gave her back the phone. Freddie saw that it was with Wendy so he took it from her and he placed it back in his pocket.

I felt more broken than ever, he looked like he has something hidden. It made me think more that Carly didn't know her photos were saved in his phone, and there was a possibility that he was still very in love with her.

I pretended that I didn't care so I just brought my PearPod out and played me some music.

_Do you know what it feels like?  
Loving someone_

_That's in a rush to throw you away_

The song was so in sync with my feelings, as I listened to it; I felt my eyes tearing up. _'I'm a tough girl, I wont let anybody see this vulnerable side of me' _I told myself. So I sat at the far end and I wore my hood, to cover my eyes which were starting cry.

* * *

**A/N: I know I said that this chapter would be in Freddie's POV, but it's better if it would just be in Sam's POV. And As A Matter of Fact, I don't hate Carly… I have nothing against Carly, but in this story I made her kind of hate-worthy for making Sam feel rejected, just because it felt appropriate in the story, because face it, Carly is really Sam's biggest worry against Freddie's affection (not to say it in a bad way).**

**Thank you for reviewing this story:  
-PsychoticAppleSauce  
-hoperocks98  
-sincerely broken [my favorite reviewer]  
****-Seddie lvr (anonymous reviewer)  
-Louisa (anonymous reviewer)  
-meeee (anonymous reviewer) [my favorite review]**

** It's summer here! I hope to write more frequently, please review and I will promise that this story will end with Seddie.**

** Please read my other stories, and please review them as well. It will be such an inspiration to read reviews from you. So don't forget to…**

** R&R…**


	4. The Fight That Changed Us

**Please R&R… This chapter is very much OOC, sorry if it isn't your liking**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

* * *

Let's fast forward to 3 months after the cell phone incident.

We're now back in school and it feels like everything is back to normal, or it just looks like it. Normal, like me pretending I don't like him and him throwing himself to that b-, urgh!

It's just like last year; he only talks to me when he needs something or when he doesn't have anybody else to talk to and I don't even talk to him anymore.

But after a month in school, he got seated in front of my seatmate so basically he is seated in front of me. So now, we have been talking to each other non-stop, and people are noticing us again.

Like yesterday, he needed to send something to the school president and he needed a laptop to borrow so he borrowed mine. He got my laptop from the back part of the classroom and turned it on.

"It has a password," he said to me.

"Then give it to me so I can enter it,"

He handed me the laptop and I entered my password and he proceeded to the computer lab to use the Wi-Fi. I felt like he wasn't making any progress because he was taking him so long to return my laptop. I followed him to the computer laboratory and saw that he was just taking his time.

"What now?" I asked him.

"I just need to… urgh! It hanged!" he said

"No it didn't! Give me the laptop," I told him

"I don't want to, I can fix this,"

So I just stood beside him, waiting for him to finish. After about a minute or so, people started to pass by us and they keep staring and smiling at us.

One of our classmates even went near us. She didn't say anything 'cause she knows I will hurt her but she was smiling so widely at us… 'Why are these people staring at us?' I keep asking myself then I looked at him, he was still busy figuring my laptop out and that's when I noticed, we were using the same color of jacket which is blue.

Then one brave b*st*rd commented.

"Are you two on a date?" he asked us.

"Are you stupid or something? What kind of date is this?" I slipped up, BIGTIME!

"Oh yeah, of course! You're just preparing for your date," he said to me.

"Stop talking or I'll be getting a new tattoo on my fist… your face!" I told him and he ran away.

After a few more minutes, he still hasn't sent it, so I took the laptop away from him forcefully.

"Why wont it work!" I cried.

"Ha! You can't even make it work," he told me and he took the laptop back.

Then I figured out why it won't attach. I told him what to do and before we sent it Gibby tumbled towards us.

"Buy poster paper for me," he told me.

"But I'm helping-"

"Please! I need to enter already, just buy…" Gibby pleaded

"Why won't you tell that to Freddie?" I told Gibby, and then I turned to Freddie. "Just buy the stinking poster paper," I told Freddie.

Then he just did what I told him, without hesitation, without complaint.

* * *

After a few months…

It was the most awaited sports game in our school, and we were selected to play against other schools. I played for the volleyball girls and he played for the basketball boys.

The volleyball girls lost, unfortunately. It was a double elimination and so we lost our first two games

The boys were still playing but he was sitting on the bench, the game was almost over and so he and his friends sat beside me.

"Lonely, are you?" he teased me.

"I am not lonely, I choose to be alone," I told him.

"Oh, is that so, but do you mind company?" he asked me, already sitting next to me.

"Of course I don't," I said.

After a while we were all laughing and joking around while watching those different teams compete against each other. I was holding an umbrella and as he was seated next to me, he took the opportunity to just seat in the shade the umbrella made. A girl, probably a year younger than us was taking pictures, when she saw that we were in a 'couple-y' situation she tried capturing a picture.

"Hey, quit it," Freddie told the girl. I said nothing and just used the umbrella to cover us from the camera. When the girl left, I fixed the way I held the umbrella and the scorching sun disappeared.

After that, we were all still joking around each other. I was happy because I was with my friends, sans Carly.

Freddie was being weird and so, Gibby made a remark.

"Will you stop being like that? Just because 'uhum' isn't here you should be obnoxious," Gibby said.

"Shut up," Freddie said. Then Gibby just laughed with Freddie

I was hurt, I admit, and I fell quiet. I know who that 'uhum' is.

They didn't notice me. I wasn't being too much of an attention stealer so I wasn't that noticed.

Freddie and Gibby continued to laugh until they noticed that I was quiet.

"Sam, is something wrong?" Gibby asked me.

"No, I'm just thinking, that's all"

"Thinking? Unlikely," Freddie exclaimed.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"I just thought that you don't ponder about a lot of things, you were always this girl that never acknowledged what anyone thought about her nor did you think about what your actions will do to you," Freddie explained.

"Can't I be capable of change? Is that what you're implying?"

"I wasn't implying anything, Sam" Freddie said, suddenly softening his voice.

"Then just shut up," I told him and I fell quiet once more.

After a few seconds Freddie talked to me again.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

Of course I wouldn't tell him the real reason, which was him implying that he liked someone who was not there. I already know he likes Carly and he doesn't like me that way but I was still hoping.

"Why do you care, anyway?" I said.

"Are you thinking about Pete?" he teased me, and Gibby just laughed behind me.

Honestly, I haven't thought about Pete since three days after the breakdown of our relationship, but he did hurt me a lot, so speaking about him is a big deal for me.

"What?"

"Yeah Sam, are you thinking about Pete?" Gibby asked.

I didn't answer; I just bowed my head down and let a few tears drop. They kept asking me what I was thinking about again and again. When I snapped, I just wiped the tears so that they wouldn't notice and told them off.

"Stop talking, will you? I have had enough of the two of you today so just stop talking."

All the people around us heard me, and they all went silent. After a few minutes of me telling them that I was mad at them for countless of times, Freddie also snapped.

"Come on Gibby, let's go. I'm done here." He didn't even wait for Gibby he just left and went to the other side of the court.

_Oh my god! Freddie finally snapped at me, but it wasn't even my fault it was his fault. I wasn't sure though why he got mad, he was the one who hurt my feelings._ I thought, wanting to clear my conscience. _Wait, did I say his? I meant them, I'm also mad at Gibby. Both he and Gibby teased me, but why am I only mad at Freddie? _I thought to myself.

This was our first major fight that didn't involve physical pain and public embarrassment, it was worse.

After that day, I know we will never be the same again.

* * *

**A/N: I know this is another depressing chapter, and it looks like Sam and Freddie's relationship is unclear right now, but I promise that this will end to the reader's liking. So please, tell me what you do want to happen in the end.**

**I know this is 'loosely' based on what is happening to me but the ending will be up to you. Tell me your thoughts, please!**

**The 'fight' scene really did happen to me and 'he' really got angry, can someone tell me what I have to do so that I could go through it? That would be very helpful :D**

**A belated Happy New Year to everyone reading this!**


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